Are you avoidant because you can't say no?

Why can it feel so hard to say no?

I know it’s not hard for everybody and I am so inspired by those people. Because that’s not me.

I can think to myself, “say no, say no, say no.” Meanwhile “oh yeah totally” or “ehhhh ya maybe” comes blurting out. And I’m like “god damnit I did it again!!”

Lately I’ve been admitting to myself how passive and avoidant I am. Passive is a nice way of putting it. I’m really just dismissive and avoidant. I keep to myself, I avoid connection, I don’t show a ton of emotion and can definitely not imagine building a deep relationship with somebody right now.

Maybe it's familiar, but it’s also a result of my difficulty saying no.

If I don’t let people in, I don’t have to say no. I don’t have to set boundaries and I can continue to stay independent and always do what I want to do. I won't lose myself.

But that's a cop out.

Imagine I just learned how to say no. I could have both - connection and independence.

The fear comes from potentially hurting someone’s feeling, being an inconvenience, not feeling like what I want is important. Ultimately it's just people pleasing.

BUT… here’s the major but. My eye opener.

While I work myself up about saying no (sometimes all day or for days), so nervous about someone else’s feelings or what they may think, I pay attention to what I’m doing to my own feelings.

My stress is up, I'm overthinking, worried, I'll go out of my way to avoid someone or a situation, I sometimes do things I don’t want to do, and I miss out on opportunities and chances of making meaningful relationships.

So why do I think it’s ok to always put someone else’s feelings before my own?

Eye opener: it's not ok. Why do I let myself suffer just out of fear of saying no?

And the kicker is, by saying no and following what’s true to you, everybody wins.

How nice is it to hang with someone who’s honest and real, and verbalizes what they want and like? You know they'll tell you the truth and they're not walking on egg shells around you.

You prevent eventually feeling resentful for doing things you don’t want to do.

You show up as your most authentic self.

And the funniest part is you realize that when you do say no, feelings don’t actually get hurt. You’re likely acknowledged with understanding and positivity. Or no thought at all (lol...).

And you have the biggest sense of relief and empowerment for finally listening to YOU. You start to learn, trust and respect yourself.

Something so worked up in your head can be dissolved immediately with a simple, honest, and harmless “no.” You don't even need an explanation.

Never forget that your feelings, peace of mind, opinions and desires are just as important as someone else's.

Give the world the opportunity to experience the realest and truest you by only following your "HELL YEAHS!"

Interested in one-on-one coaching? Book a free call or send me a text and let's chat (310-895-1633).